friday cool/dumb shit v8

a variety of consumerist capitalistic nonsense, probably.

Last week I surprised you (and me) by paywalling friday cool/dumb shit and wasn’t that such a little teaser!? Not doing that this week, so DO enjoy this very free for everyone list of bullshit I think you should consume.

listicle clavicle

This is a bad rhyme, isn’t it??? Is it because “listicle” has two “ih” sounds?? The more I look up words that end in -icle, the more disgusted I am by the English language.

1. This week’s number one thing I’m loving is hockey. There’s no link, there’s no item to buy, it’s just a thing I’m obsessed with lately. And it feels weird because like, I had basically never heard of hockey before 2 years ago? Like, vaguely. Virginia Tech had a club team that drove 45 minutes to a nearby city to play and practice, and I had an acquaintance who played. Never saw him play, never went to a game, sorry Zack. But NOW. Now I know a) all the names of the Carolina Hurricanes players, b) which of them are missing teeth, c) which of them are married / with kids, d) who is most likely to score (this week it’s none of them, bah!), e) who’s contract is up the soonest and who we want to renew desperately, and f) that one of them holds my hall pass¹.

2. I am sorry to report that I’ve found some makeup cloths that have changed my life. I am 93% more likely to wash my face and use my expensive face shit now that I own these, they wash easily with my clothes, and they are fantastic for the environment as they are not gross single-use things you toss in the garbage to kill the turtles or something. Here are the name brand ones² I have, before discovering these Amazon knockoffs that are bigger, way cheaper, and apparently work the same way. No solution required, just wet the cloth, wipe your face, et voila you look tired again!

3. This one is kinda embarrassing too because it’s very vain and also because I’m extremely late to this party: spray tans!!!!! Where have I been!??!!??! I popped my spray tan cherry before going to see Lizzo a couple weeks ago³ and I instantly looked at a minimum 10lbs slimmer and felt 87% better about myself when I tried on all 12 of the crop tops I bought on amazon for the concert. Not that we need to look slimmer, ok, but the FEELING was great, and the compliments I got on how good I looked were unparalleled, ok? Oak City Sunless is who did my tan - in my house, so convenient - and much like the woman who I see for waxes, it’s inexplicably ok to be naked in front of these women when a YMCA locker room makes me nervous.

4. I am on what one might call The Scared Girl’s Tattoo Journey right now, as I am both scared of commitment, change my mind offensively often, am not a fan of needles, plus have low tolerance for pain, and still very much concerned about what people will think⁴. To help me get there, Inkbox tats have been hella fun. “Tattoos for now,” that are a plant-based formula which “sinks into your skin and doesn’t just stick on top.” Lasts up to 2 weeks depending on your sweating, showering, and exfoliating routines. FUN!

5. Tuesday’s memoir mentioned Love & Death, one of the shows out right now about that crazy lady who murdered her lover’s [also crazy] wife. The show is great, HBO is doing that dumb thing and releasing it week to week like old school TV so it’s not over yet. ANYWAY this item is a recipe for Popovers, which I have never had, are mentioned in episode 7 I think, and I mentioned in the memoir and forgot to link! So here ya go! Also, excellent pun on the browser tab by UT Department of Nutritional Sciences. If you make these, take a pic and share!

6. Very fun video of a checkered wall paint project which I am attempting to implement in my office. Follow me on insta if you don’t already to see me do it, probably next week when I should be working!

Can y’all tell I’m loving the footnotes feature?? Is it annoying? Too bad, gonna keep using it.

gen Z would never

Please enjoy this week’s college peek of me and my college boyfriend, on what I think might have been our first date?!?! I can’t remember. Notable things: my extreme curly hair, the Vogue poster, rhinestone straps, bubble hem, off-center photo, no full length capture. I’m so pleased for Youths that they’ve figured out how to photograph each other in an appealing manner. Go Hokies!

Hope everyone has a wonderful and lovely and whatever long weekend! It’s going to be terrible weather here so I can’t wait to go stir crazy with my very small children inside our house for 3 whole days. Peace be with us all and our spirits, ok?

kbyeeeeee

1. It’s not even a secret from MP, because I think that’s how hall passes work?? Anyway, should I keep you in suspense until next week or just tell you it’s Brent Burns and everything he does is sexy and perfect and yes I know he’s married, it’s irrelevant.

2. Please for the love wait for a sale on these and look for the 7-day set. I got it around Mother’s Day in store and it was a decent price for a 7 cloth set.

3. Essay on how Lizzo changed my life is forthcoming, because holy shit it was good.

4. Don’t have enough eye rolls for this, because I shouldn’t care what people think but what the hell, I can’t help myself.