furious, etc.
incredibly incredulous that I am writing about this *again* but my rage has GOT to go somewhere
UNREAL to be writing about this topic AGAIN. In all the years I’ve been writing and publishing things on the internet since my own personal experience with a school shooting in 2007…I don’t know. Why is this still happening. I mean, we know why, and we know how, too, but still. WHY.
In 2 more years it will be the Virginia Tech shooting’s 20th anniversary and I don’t even want to research to see how many “mass shooting” events have occurred at schools in the United States since then (much less at places that are not schools) because I already know it’s a horrifying number. Too many people are connected in some personal way to a school shooting, and all the rest of us are connected because we now fear it as much as 2001 America feared another terrorist attack.
If we could spend all the money and resources on hunting irresponsible gun owners as we did hunting down Osama bin Laden, I just cannot imagine what the results might be. And that’s not just an expression - I literally cannot imagine it, because it’s so unimaginable now to think that our lawmakers will rally and actually do anything about this, that will mean anything, that will or would have caused any sort of change in the events.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, America is ruled by Nazis (anyone ever watch Man in the High Castle? So creepy, intriguing, and excellent television)(Rufus Sewell is a king). Somewhere else in another parallel universe, the 1999 NRA was led by a level-headed and gentle man, who never used fists to sort out differences, who wasn’t afraid of his feelings, and who had a big enough dick that his pride and ego weren’t threatened by every little small offense. And he thought of his own children in school and said ya know what, we need more rules over these deadly things! We need permits, like we need for driving cars! We need training like we have for driving cars! We need safe storage regulations like we need for various levels of medications! Because in all of this, we are keeping our children safe! And thus our families!
At this point I’m shouting into the void, because either you agree with me on gun control or else you’re horrified at the thought of Hilary Clinton herself coming into your home to take your guns away with her own hands, as if you’re a naughty toddler who needs to be put in timeout for playing inappropriately.
Either way, this - yet another ubiquitous essay on the fear, infuriation, rage, etcetera about a school shooting isn’t going to change your mind nor will it actually accomplish anything. Rage is one of those emotions that makes us feel as if we are doing something when we express it, according to my therapist, and that’s what I’m doing right now - expressing my rage. In a healthy manner by the way, I’m not going out to get a gun am I?!?! No. But we all know that this isn’t the thing that “moves the needle” as they say, nor will there be any law passed that would allow Hilary lawful entrance into your home, much less lawful seizure of your weapons of mass destruction. WEKNOWDIS.
All we can do is vote (and organize and talk about it and donate, yes). Be vigilant. Ask tough questions of your kid’s friends’ parents. Do they have guns? Where do they store them? HOW do they store them? Is your kid ever at their house with no grownups present? Kids are sneaky and crafty!
The dad of the most recent shooter said his kid never had unsupervised access to the guns in the house and this was CLEARLY not true, and Mr. Man is facing multiple felony charges reflecting his lack of parental diligence and responsibility.
The ad spots of men running for office (women too maybe? Idk I haven’t seen any but I guess they might exist) holding a giant firearm as if it’s his second cock and he’s even more proud of it than the first does NOTHING except glorify guns for little boys who just want to be like the big men in their lives (cis hetero traditional-leaning households, obviously. I think some of us are out here trying to do the lort’s work so boys aren’t so emotionally stunted and judgey but at a basic level for the sake of my current argument let’s go with this).
They are taught from a young age to “be like dad” or be like grandpa or be like Brent Burns or Superman or their favorite NBA player or Uncle Funzo with the big muscles and cool truck. And so, I can’t understand why we - adults! - are shocked that a 14-year-old boy takes this kind of action. Because subliminally, subconsciously, sub-whatever idk I’m not a psychiatrist, he sees this as an acceptable outlet for emotions he’s having that he doesn’t even understand because he’s 14. He sees his own congressman - a muscled white man who resembles his father in all basic ways - toting a wartime rifle and casually speaking about - or at the very least eluding to - hurting people with it. So why are we surprised?
I heard this story recently of someone’s older family member who punched a guy over a misunderstanding of like a bar stool or something trivial like that. A minor point of confusion or disagreement over who is sitting where. Both men are older and hard of hearing, one misunderstood the other, and punched without provocation and then went to jail. People were shocked by this story. How could he - a GROWN MAN - punch someone?! He should know better. HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. But how? HOW WOULD HE KNOW BETTER? Because violence begets violence. Abuse begets abuse. If you were raised being hit, you internalize that as being “ok” and will hit your own. If you never learned to handle anger, offense, or moments of vulnerability and insecurity, you will act accordingly instead of using your words to clarify and work out differences. If you were raised being yelled at or witnessing yelling in heightened emotional states, you will yell.
The story of this man surprised me not at all. And I don’t even use any of that above as an excuse for him. Obviously he does “know better,” but! He was never taught, and thus never learned how to deal with anger and other tough big emotions. Vulnerability is a thing men are essentially forbidden from feeling and what do vulnerable creatures do? Fight or flight! And are you even a man if you run away? Of course not! Must save the precious ego! So yeah no duh he hit the guy!
No duh the kid took the gun! Kids don’t know better because THEY ARE CHILDREN and not fully developed. They literally have brains that are still growing. But we allow them to have accidental access to things that can ruin their lives PLUS the lives of the people they harm. PLUS the lives of the community that suffers this trauma and broken trust in public safety. PLUS the lives of - apparently - our entire gd country because it can happen literally anywhere, at any time, in any social or economical situation, rural, urban, suburban, religious, public, blue, red. None of those things have managed to be true across all or even a majority of the events. The ONLY thing true across all of them is that it’s mostly boys or men, mostly white (all white? probs). But what does that mean, for safety? NOTHING.
The only thing I can think of is that it means I need to work hard - harder - to make sure my boys know feeling and expressing verbally all of their emotions is a safe thing to do, does not diminish their character or “manliness,” if they end up caring about that. What even is manliness except hairy chests and muscles, and only one of those do men have any control over. What if my white boys are raised to not care about perceived manliness but perceived kindness? The end? Muscles or no muscles, what IF?
If you want to dig a pit of despair and keep reading about this topic, I wrote this in 2021 and this in 2023 plus others from previous years that I can’t even find because I’ve been publishing essays about shootings for way too long.
Helpful links for things you can do right now + things to read to give you hope, should you need some:
Emily in your phone Substack: 1 minute politics, and meaningful action beyond signing petitions and posting angrily on social media.
EYP on Insta: A fav follow for mindset, political analysis, and getting through the sound bites to what’s actually going on and what to do about it.
EYP Public Square story highlight. And hopelessness highlight. I revisit both of these to help me overcome overwhelm, and reset any despondent thinking.
News Not Noise Substack. And on Insta. The only “news” I follow now. Great for people with anxiety who still want to be informed citizens.
That Washington Post article I referenced. Less of an article, more of a data aggregate and analysis of shootings in the US to date. Not paywalled.
House of Representatives directory. And Senate directory. Use the lookup if you don’t know your district, save their phone number, call and leave (polite yet firm) voice messages to state your opinions! This is what they’re there for! And remember the person who listens to the voicemails is a person, and doesn’t deserve your rage or insults. Use your rage to fuel calling a person you don’t know who may not answer, because we all know that’s the real struggle.
EYP story highlight for background on WHY to call your reps, and Public Square highlight for tips on engaging people around you. There are scripts to help, and it doesn’t need to take more than 3 minutes of your time, at an interval of your choosing.
Go hug your children or your mom or something and FOR THE LOVE, vote OUT every motherfucker who thinks shootings in schools are “a fact of life.”
k. love you. bye.
